The Bereaved Don’t Want Your Book

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Suggested listening: Ray Stevens’ Mississippi Squirrel Revival

A country kitchen table is the perfect place for a lot of things - perfect for family holiday meals, perfect for rifling through historic recipes, perfect for playing board games with the younger cousins.


A country kitchen table is maybe not the perfect place for hawking your self-published book to a grieving family smack dab in the middle of their funeral planning.


Just maybe.


After losing Grandma, a woman who taught my then-husband how to fish on the shore and who introduced me to the wonders of The Seafood Hut, we rallied around Grandpa. The whole family filled the kitchen and living room, making plans and recounting childhood memories.


When the pastor stopped by to visit, it started out normally - the usual “how are yous?” “we’re praying for you”, etc.


And then.


You know how you get that ominous uh oh feeling when something awkward’s about to happen and even though time seems to slow down, there’s nothing you can do to stop the clearly inappropriate thing?


Yup. That.


The pastor pulled out a book, clearly pleased with himself, and offered it to Grandpa and his sons as a gift during their time of grief. He was the author, you see.


Was it a book on navigating grief? On finding comfort? On grace?


Nah. It was “Nature’s Pairs: The Demise of Homoesexuality.”


You know, just the right topic at the right time for a man grappling with the loss of his beloved wife of more than 55 years.


I’m positive that what happened immediately after that dubious display of generosity was some murmured feigned appreciation and the Southern version of shooing someone out the door.


I’m also positive that I couldn’t shake how tone-deaf and strange that was for a pastor, much less for any human being with a modicum of emotional intelligence.


Turns out? That was just the tip of the iceberg.


The Orphan’s Guide to Funerals: Don’t hawk your wares to the grieving family.

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